A first date? Excited? Nervous? A bit of both? Excited with the fact that you are going out with an attractive person, whom you have always wanted to go out with? Excited about the renewal of ‘firsts’ in your life again? The first impression, the first touch, the first kiss, the ‘first time’ again?
It is one of the advantages of dating someone for the first time – you get to start with a clean slate and at the same time enjoy all the exciting stuff that only a first date can conjure up. But at the same time, are you also apprehensive about how it could turn out? Do you feel the nervousness born out of the pressure that rides along with a first date? Nervous that it could all go horribly wrong and that you could end up making a complete fool out of yourself? Dreading the worst that could happen on a first date- the silence? If so, then the simple conversation topics and methods compiled here could go a long way in making sure that you do not go back home with the feeling of completely blowing what could have been your own perfect love story.
1. First Minutes
The first minutes are always crucial in a date. Yes, it is true that a book should not be judged based on its cover. Nevertheless, on a first date, it is important to make a good first impression. The first few minutes are highly important considering how nervous both you and your date would be. Putting your date at ease in those nerve-jarring moments would determine how successful your relation would turn out to be.
Smile and proclaim how happy you are to be with him/her there. Be sincere here and avoid going over the top with your happiness, even if you really are that much excited. The next obvious step is a compliment – “you look beautiful” or “that is a nice shirt you got on” or something on similar lines. This not only breaks the ice but also would ensure your date feeling appreciated as they would surely have spend a lot of time trying to look perfect for the first date. If you are not picking her up, enquire about how her ride to the date was. Remember that it is the small things that make the big differences.
2. Main Course
After you have successfully navigated the treacherous first few minutes, you are presented with another new dilemma – what to talk about next? Starts with the basics; ask your date about themselves, what they do, what they like and stuff like that. You could ask them about their families, but remember that this has the probability of acting as a double edged sword. If you do ask them about the family, be prepared to comfort them as there is a chance that family problems could rear its ugly head.
Ask open-ended questions. Most people ask questions whose answers could end up in monosyllables. Instead of: “how are you?”- Whose answer would in almost all cases be a infuriating “I’m fine”- use “how was your day” or “how did so and so go?” Another question could be “What are your hobbies?” and follow that with “What is that like?” Not only does this guarantee you with a conversation lasting more than a sentence but also allows your date to feel wanted and appreciated.
You could talk about your interests, their interests, the places you want to visit, the places they want to go, weekend plans and so on. That said, don’t ask deep meaningful questions – It’s a first date and it must be all about fun and getting to know the person.
It is of great importance to remember that this is just your first date and as such, do not try to unravel all the mysteries shrouding your date. Do not treat the first date as an interview process. Let the conversation flow. Don’t keep pushing topics that they look uneasy answering. And by all means, stay away from talking about your’s or your date’s past relationships. There is no other topic that could match its potent power of dousing a first date. Refrain from asking or divulging past relationships unless the situation calls for it; and if it does, offer your empathy but do stay away from expressing it so much so that your date might misconstrue it as a sign of insincerity or mocking even.
Another important thing to consider while talking is to talk less and listen more. Everyone likes a good listener and being one only increases your worth from your date’s perspective. Also, remember to be mentally present while listening, even if the other person is rambling about things that you have not even asked about. It helps a great deal if you ask questions pertaining to the information dished out by your date. It projects you as a person who is considerate and caring.
When you are talking, try and keep it as precise and simple as possible. Some find it hard to stop talking about unnecessary and awkward things when they are nervous. Take a deep breath and calm yourself down if you feel yourself meandering away from the topic at hand or find your voice shaking with nervousness. Be positive with your answers. No one likes a person who broods on negativity.
3. Body Language
Yes, you did all of the above yet you are getting a tepid reaction from your date. Why? The simple reason could be that although your mouth conveyed one thing, your body might have conveyed the exact opposite. Body language is just as important as talking. Sending the right signals across to the other person is essential, if you want the date to end well. Do not act impatient or exasperated. Keeping a steady eye contact is the most potent weapon here; but remember that it should not end up as a staring contest or just plain creepy. A genuine smile could also do wonders.
A first date is a make or break deal. So, plan ahead and make sure that you stay genuine.