Finding a boyfriend who really cares and getting along with him smoothly without ever having misunderstandings or brawls is the sort of idealistic relationship that every girl or woman craves for. But there’s hardly any woman in the whole wide world who can vouchsafe having a perfect association with her beau that is completely free from fights and quarrels. You’d be hard put to come across a couple (either married or unmarried) who’ve never had a scuffle or argued with each other.
In fact, it is the petty fisticuffs and squabbles that you have with your boyfriend from time to time which spices up your relationship and really keeps it going. Men and women, since times immemorial, have had affairs and liaisons that were grounded in love and trust for each other and it was the occasional fracas, arguments, and rows that tempered the alliances and kept them going. Even in the 21st century, where gender equality is more pronounced than it has ever been since the dawn of human civilisation men and women always still have a love-hate relationship. It is the conflicts that make an affair between the opposite sexes temporal and down to earth but women often have to put up with angry or irritating boyfriends.
They often seem to be at a loss on how to deal with situations where their boyfriends suddenly storm into the room very annoyed and start throwing tantrums. Or as a woman, you could find yourself confronting an occasion where his attention is riveted on his favourite game show on the TV and does even bother to turn back and look at you when you enter. There could be many other similar circumstances when you know that he’s cross or irate but simply won’t have any idea on how to break the ice for getting a conversation started and cooling down his frayed nerves. You recently had a heated argument or quarrelled with your boyfriend over a sensitive issue and because of which you’re not on talking terms with him for over a week.
If you call him and try to make up, then he’d get the feeling that you’re emotionally dependent upon him and fragile. On the other hand, if you continue to remain incommunicado, he may get the impression that you’re an uncouth and indifferent person. So, you’re inextricably caught in a ‘between the devil and the deep sea’ situation, but surely there has to be a way out of this muck.
How would you face him when he gets angry? How to pacify him down and keep the lines of communication open? In the subsequent paragraphs, some of the Ways to Start a Conversation When Your Boyfriend is Angry have been highlighted and clearly explained.
1. Understand the Fact that as a Man He’s Emotionally Different from You
As a woman, you’ve got to understand that your boyfriend is inherently different from you, biologically and psychologically speaking. In other words, being a man, his manner of reacting to everything would be markedly different from yours. It also follows that his modes of expressing ire or anger would be in sharp contrast to yours.
How your man reacts emotionally is not something that is exclusive to him but is indicative of a trend or pattern that is typical of masculine demeanour. If you really love your man and sincere about safeguarding your relationship, then you’ll first acquaint yourself with the techniques of how men behave during crisis moments before you can start to appease him.
2. Let Him Ventilate His Grievances
You may not always see eye to eye with him on every issue but that does not give you the right to ride roughshod over his feelings. The same rule or principle applies to your boyfriend as well. Your boyfriend may not subscribe to your opinion about any particular aspect and might think or feel differently about something.
It could be about the suspense movie that you saw together last night or it could be about the dissertation that the psychology professor gave in her last class. Allow him to ventilate or air his grievances or objections about something he feels strongly about and do not argue or reply back if he is angry.
Give the impression that you’re listening to him intently and in time, he might want to know your perspective about the matter that seems to be the bone of contention. You may not agree to his idea but do not be overly explicit about it. Don’t disappoint your boyfriend unnecessarily and respect difference of opinions.
3. Stay Calm and Give Him the Time and Space to Collect Himself
To appear powerless in front of a woman is against the grain of a man’s character. It’s feminine nature to break down and start weeping if she’s grief stricken or if her feelings have been hurt. Men don’t have it that easy. You’ll hardly ever see your man weeping inconsolably or crying whenever there is a tiff or argument but that does not imply that he’s not angry or not hurt.
When you feel that he is angry or irritated with you, do not aggravate the situation further by nagging him with silly questions like ‘Still angry with me, dear’? Keep quiet for as long as you can and thereafter try to lighten up the situation with an interesting or funny anecdote that you can recall. If he bursts out laughing then you know that your association is still robust enough and if he does not break into peals of laughter then let it pass over. Every man has his own way of coping with tense occasions.
4. Shun Physical Intimacy
The worst that you could do after you have had a squabble with him (when he’s still angry) is to make an attempt to hug him or kiss him or try to embrace him. You might end up making him angrier. You must bear in mind that his wrath or anger is more psychological than physical.
He’s trying to come to terms with you on a mental level so trying to close the gap by establishing a physical contact immediately after the fight will make things worse. Give him a light pat on the back or touch his shoulder but shun physical intimacy of any kind.
5. How You Tackle the Situation Does Really Matter
It does not need to be overemphasized that the method or technique you adopt in approaching your boyfriend to soothe his taut nerves does matter considerably. Sit in a place and think deeply about your relationship with your man. Try to remember the good times that you’ve spent together as a couple and be positive in your approach. If you think that his rage has abated, then go ahead calmly and if not, then hold yourself.
If the above guidelines on trying to calm down your angry boyfriend don’t help yet you want to bring the normalcy back to your association, then there are other strategies that you can make use of. Try to win him over by reiterating to him that you’re still madly in love with him and that a trivial skirmish cannot make a dent.
Make it clear to him that you’re as human as anybody else, and that your feelings can get hurt as well, but surely you can’t be wrong all the time in your judgement. Keep the window open for a smooth and meaningful exchange of dialogues. Discuss with him about the ways in which he can control himself from flying off the handle.