Having children is one of the most precious blessings in this world. Parenthood is a gratifying and rewarding state where you learn and experience a world of things. However, not all the people are lucky enough to have their own biological children which leads most of them to adoption. Many people are of the view that adoption is an alternative for the unfortunate ones. However, if you delve deeper, you will find that adopting a child can be more gratifying than having your own kids.As a parent who has adopted a child, you are in no way unfortunate but a lot more blessed than the ones who have biological children of their own. Do you know why? This is because you came to the rescue of a child who could have led a loveless life in an orphanage or on streets. Adopting a child and raising him requires much more love, care and caution on your part. Not only this, you also have to handle a lot of issues and most of the parents who adopt kids are quite insecure because they fear the queries of the world at large.
Well, it is no way the misfortune of a child if he/she is an adoptee but people do make life difficult for such children by asking all sorts of hurtful questions and saying things that can bring down their morale and malign their status in society. Sometimes this also happens out of ignorance. Well, whether it is out of ignorance or intention, you must know about the things not to say to an adopted child. As a responsible citizen of the society, it is your duty to honor this noble endeavor that lets childless couples enjoy the bliss of parenting and provides homeless children with parents. So, go through this set of don’ts so that you learn how to stay clear of the obnoxious questions that bring unhappiness and pain to an adopted child.
1. You don’t resemble your parents, are you an adoptee
This is the rudest query that you can post to an adopted child. If you are too curious to know about the lineage of a child who does not look like her parents, ask her parents. An adopted child is very sensitive and asking her such a hurtful question that dents her self-esteem is not only rude but also obscene. So, avoid it at all cost and if your curiosity gets the better out of you, reach out to the parents of the adopted child to quench it. You will get a befitting reply.
2. You are so lucky you were adopted
Of course, a child is lucky if she was adopted but why do you have to say it to her. If you want to express your opinion in this matter, congratulate her parents. They would really feel nice but the child would feel terrible. An adopted child has every right to live a normal life like other non-adopted children who are never considered lucky. Why should she be made to feel that she is being favored continuously?
3. Don’t you want to know about your real parents
Most of the adopted children are not told about their adopted status because the parents fear that it might trigger all sorts of problems. So, if you pose this question to a child, you are really doing a sin. It is in no way your business to ask the child if she wants to meet her birth parents or not. Her adoptive parents and she herself has the solo right in this regard. So, don’t bother the child with this unsavory query. Anyways, how does it matter to you whether she wants to meet her real parents or not.
4. Why did your mother give you up for adoption
Well, for whatever reason the mother gave up her child, isn’t it enough that she is doing well in her adopted home. If you happen to ask a child this question, there are very good chances that she would not know the answer because she might be even not aware of her adopted status. Even if she knows that she is adopted, asking her such a question would amount to humiliating her. It makes the child realize her misfortune and also lowers her self-esteem. There is nothing more painful than to know the fact that you are not welcome in this world.
5. How much did your adoption cost
This question is legitimate only if you are interested in adoption or have got anything to with the adoption procedure but even then it is in no way appropriate to ask the child such a thing. You can ask her parents. If you ask her just like that, you are commodifying her which is the worst thing you can do to a human being, let alone a child. Do you ever ask the biological children how much did it cost them to make an entry into this world? Then, why ask such a nasty thing to an adopted child.
6. How do you manage with your siblings
Many a time, parents who have got their own biological children, also decide to adopt children. This might be because they want a son or daughter who they could not bear. Well, sibling bonding is something that has got nothing to do with being born in the same family. You can easily find cousins or friends who are no closer than real brothers and sisters. Then why would an adoptee find bonding something that needs management. And even she has issues you should not ask her until and unless you have been assigned the responsibility of resolving her bonding issues.
Adoptees are a sensitive lot and all people need to understand this fact. You must never make them feel uncomfortable in anyway. And the best way to avoid such mistakes is to know the limits that you should never cross. Adoption is not an act of charity or something similar to it. It is a well-thought decision of two mature individuals who decided to bring a child in their life because they wanted to raise one. You must respect this decision because it has brought benefits for both the parties. You should do whatever you can to promote it.
You must treat adoption as a natural thing and the more you become aware of the lot of adoptees the more you will become open to the idea of adoption. There are lots of homeless children in the world who need parents. Similarly, you can easily find a lot of couples who are deprived of the joys of parenthood. Adoption is the means that can bring happiness to both these groups but most of the times the societal pressure keeps parents from adopting this means. They fear the questions of the people and most of the time, give in to the pressure. This pressure is closely related with the things not to say to an adopted child. So, make sure you are not a part of this pressure. Don’t sympathize with adopted children and the best you can do to them is to treat them just like normal children. Rest will take care of itself.