You have just had a great fight with your partner! But, suddenly you feel that you could have avoided it or maybe it could have been less dirty. Making up after a dirty fight often gives you shivers. Both parties have said things that they could have avoided saying. Both of you are angry, very angry actually. So what should be done to solve matters? Obviously somewhere both of you know that your love is more important than what just happened. But, what you are not really sure of is how to make up with your partner. With time you actually get a hang of it and build peace easily. But for those who have just started out with a relationship and have had their first major fight, this is difficult.
1. Beyond the Argument
The first thing that you should ideally do once you are done with fighting and sitting alone, is go beyond the point of argument. You may have argued over some small matter but, the actual worry lies beneath that matter. You are somewhere insecure about something or maybe you expect something. Very often fights are tendered by insecurity and expectations that are covered up with the day to day matters. You first need to understand why you fought, to make peace. Once you have made peace with your own self over the reason, it becomes easier for you to deal with your partner.
2. Show the Love
After the fight, it feels nice if you could express your love for your partner. Expressing your emotions in the most clichéd manner can make your partner feel fine. Get your partner a bouquet of flower, cook food or maybe arrange for a date night. You could just have dinner outside together. A sorry note on the refrigerator or in the file, a call to say you are sorry is all you need to do to break the ice after the fight. Remember your partner is more important than the fight. It may sound very boring but, it surely works. Expressions are more or less the expectations that partners are bound by.
3. Communicate the Proper Feelings
What is going on in your mind can come out only when you communicate. Your partner does not have divine powers to understand what goes on in your mind. Try to communicate your feelings to your partner in what is called the peaceful way. Don’t get agitated or angry while saying what you feel. If you are insecure or you feel the expenses need to be curbed or you feel you are being taken for granted, say so. Along with that try involving some examples where you felt this way so that your partner can understand better. References always helps understand your feelings better.
4. Own Up
Yes, you had a nasty fight and you did say some real nasty things. Own it up before your partner. Of course before owning up, realize that you had done wrong by saying it that way. Make him/her feel that you realize your mistake and that you wish you had not said it. Tell your partner what made you say it. Probably at times, you really don’t realize what you are saying but, those words have no meaning. Communicating the real feelings along with owning up your mistake can get your partner to understand why you actually said what you said.
5. No Harm in Saying ‘Sorry’
You may not have started the fight. In fact, you never wanted to fight in the first place. But, it still happened. Now what? Are you going to just stay there and wait for your partner to come? Well, there is no harm in trying to break the ice if you feel it is needed. Why not just go to your partner and apologize? It has done no one any harm by apologizing. It might just make your partner realize their mistake. It might even make them feel sorry for what they have done. They may even apologize! It is not easy to say sorry when you are not at fault but, remember love is more important than knowing whose fault it was.
6. Nobody is Right in a Fight
When getting involved in a fight seems wrong, how can anyone be right in something wrong? Nobody is right when it comes to a fight. So don’t fight for being right. This is no time for all those arguments. You can always get your point across when both of you are relaxed. Even then don’t argue or raise your voice. Just be calm and patient and say what you feel. Your point might have been right but the way you had put it across was not. So, as far as the fight is concerned, nobody was right or wrong. It was just a bad thing that happened.
7. Don’t Stress Your Partner
Just because you understood that the fight was a mistake and it should not have happened, does not mean your partner should realize it too. Your partner will realize when they wish to. Don’t force your understandings on them. It is of no use. Let them see your point of view or maybe realize why the fight happened when they wish to. You can’t make someone see or hear from your eyes or ear. Remember this and you will live peacefully forever.
8. The Mutual Agreement
Once done with making up, it is time to set some pacts for the future. You can always tell your partner what you learnt from this fight. You can ask your partner to speak about his/her learnings from this fight. This way you would know what not to do in future to avoid these arguments. Maybe you can get a point across without actually shouting. You are mature adults, screaming is the last resort for you.
A fight, however big it is, cannot ruin the love inside you. You both need to understand that. If you don’t like something – speak up, don’t wait for the fight scene to happen.