Many newly married couples feel that they have found their soul mates in their partners. However, the impression does not always last long. As the happy days of honeymoon end, the excitement of the wedding is over; couples face the reality of the married life. The pleasing memory of the wedding day starts vanishing and slowly marriage problems start appearing. Some, who are lucky enough to sort out the problems in the early stages, continue to lead a happy married life. Others who are not able to solve the marital problems feel that they have made their biggest mistake of their life.
Instead of panicking, one should look into these problems in a positive manner. It is perfectly normal and quite common to have problems in a healthy relationship. Two individuals, coming from entirely different backgrounds and cultures are bonded for a lifetime through marriage. Conflicts and issues are bound to happen. Every relationship has its ups and downs. It depends upon the couple how they sort out the differences between them and lead a happy married life.
Most couples have their marital problems in their initial years of marriage. Causes for the problems can be different for each couple. Some of the common problems may include conflicts regarding money, household chores, disciplining children, sex, and issues related to in -laws and siblings. In fact the list is endless. Sometimes, couples quarrel over silly issues like each others’ habits which may result in divorce or separation. In most cases the lack of proper communication between spouses is cited to be one of the major causes of the marital problems. It is better to sort out the issues in the early stages it so that matters do not become worse and result in divorce.
Here are some common problems which most couples face during their married life and some tips to solve these problems so that the couples can lead a happy married life.
Money plays an important role in the relationship between a husband and wife. Before the marriage partners would be having their own bank accounts and separate finances. After the marriage when finances have to be made jointly, issues start about whose money should be spent for what. Most newly weds argue with each other about how money should be spent. The wife feels that the husband is spending too much on computer games, while the husband feels that the wife is throwing away money on her shopping. Best solution for such conflicts is to discuss the finances like savings and debts with each other. By compromising with each other and finding out a solution which works for both partners financial problems can be solved.
Couples should have separate accounts from the extended family. Many families use money in controlling the family members. If you are in a combined family business, make sure that you do not have to make any compromise which does not suit your partner.
Most newly weds find it difficult to adjust to the extended family of their spouses like mother-in-laws, sister in-laws etc. Some parents find it difficult in bonding with the new daughter in law or son in law. Usually a mother in law sees the new daughter in law as an intruder in her relationship with the son. For the parents their son or daughter is still a child. They need time to adjust to the reality. The couples should take a joint decision that they will not let the extended family come into their relationship. Both the partners should remain consistent about the decision. The partners should speak to each other about family members who are problematic. They must take a firm decision in dealing with bullies in the family. Couples should focus on things as they want it to be rather than what their extended family want them to be.
Couples should sort out their differences between each other rather than involving third parties. In most cases, when third parties like friends or relative intervene situations become worse. So, if you are stuck in a problem, it is better to share the problems with a marital therapist rather than involving family members.
Time management problems
Many times newly married couples feel that they are not getting enough time to spend with each other. During the courtship days usually men try to woo their girlfriends by taking them to date. Once the marriage is over, there are more responsibilities on the husbands and they are not able to take their wives out for dates frequently. Wives feel that husbands have changed and feel neglected at such attitudes. This becomes a major issue between the couple.
After the arrival of the children, women also become busy and spend less time with their husbands. As time passes by both the partners settle into their domestic routine and are not able to spend quality time with each other. The distance grows between the husband and the wife and this causes resentment between them. In order to avoid such a situation, both the partners should find time to spend with each other however busy they may be. The partners must be ready to compromise and take into account each other’s interests.
Another major problem that may create a distance between couples is the ego. If husband and wife are having contradictory opinions in matters relating to household or finances, soon sparks will start coming out of the ego clashes between them. Extended family members may even try to take advantage of the clashes and may add fuel to fire by taking sides. In such a situation, it is better that the couples try to come to a solution which is agreeable to both the partners.
Whatever be the marriage problems, both the husband and wife should sit together and talk and try to find a solution for their problems. Nagging, back biting or fighting can never solve the problem. An open and free communication devoid of biases between the partners can lead to a happy and prosperous married life.