Funny Jokes About Men

Life without a fun is like a tea without a sugar. Today where cell phones have become a revolution through out the world , funny jokes has also contributed a lot for its success. Reading funny jokes not only relaxes our mind but also improves our senses of humor. Funny jokes about men are in trend these days and it seems like every women is enjoying reading these jokes and sharing them with others.

Below mentioned is the list of Funny jokes about men, i am sure you wont be able to stop your laughter after reading them.

Funny jokes about men

#Doctor to wife: – Madam, please arrange your husband for the most awful days.
Wife: – Oh God, is he going to die?
Doctor: – No. He will not be allowed to drink beer any more.

#What are a woman’s four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet.

A jaguar in the garage.

A tiger in the bedroom.

An ass to pay for it all.

#A man rubbed a lamp and a genie came out. The man asked to be stronger than any other man. So the genie gave him the strength to crush boulders.

He asked for the world’s fastest sports car and a Ferrari appeared in front of him. He then asked to be smarter than any other every man on the earth. He was turned into a woman.

#10 reasons why men are Like Computers:

1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

2. A better model is always just around the corner.

3. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

4. It is always necessary to have a backup.

5. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

6. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

7. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

8. The lights are on but nobody’s home.

9. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

10. Size does matter.

#Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?

Because they all already have boyfriends.
#Three men die and come to the gate. St. Peter says:
-From now on all men will travel to paradise, and let them in. St. Peter comes to the first and asks how many times he was unfaithful? First men estimate about 20 times. St. Peter says: – Here is you an old car to ride in the paradise.

Asks the second: -How many times you were unfaithful? Second response: -10 times.
St.Peter gives him the Mercedes to ride in the paradise.

Comes to the third one and asks: -Well and how many times you were unfaithful.

Men responses: -Mr. Peter, I loved my wife very much and I was faithful to her all my life. St. Peter does not believe, looks seriously at his book and notice that man doesn’t lie. So for his loyalty he gives him Jaguar to ride on the sky.
After some time St. Peter meets the third man with the Jaguar, who looks all upset and unhappy. -What happened to you, you have Jaguar, why you look so upset? Ask ST. Peter. The man response: -You see, after half a year I met my wife; you know I do ride with the Jaguar, while she is only with roller skating…

#A wife asks her husband: – Did you have any girlfriends before you married me?
The husband sits silently.
His wife asks again: – What is this silence supposed to mean?
Husband answers: – Wait! I’m counting…

#How are men like chocolates?

They never last long enough and always leave stains whenever they get hot.

#A man walks into a bar and says “awww!”

A second man walks into the same bar.

You would think after the first one hit it,

The second one would have seen it coming.

# What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chases cars they have no intention of driving.

#What is the difference between men and women…?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need…A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

#What do men and pantyhose have in common?

They cling, run or don’t fit right in the crotch.

#How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Try and rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals”.

#An English professor wrote up on the board “woman without her man is nothing” and told his students to punctuate it.

The males in the class wrote “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The Females wrote “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.

#Why can’t men get mad cow disease?
Because they’re all pigs.

#How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done.

#Doc to a patient:
How did this happen?
My wife kicked me out…
But it’s not worth it to jump out of 2nd floor.
Doc, you didn’t understand me. She kicked me out, literally.

#Two friends’ chatting.

John tells his friend: – You know, once I return home from work and I find my wife sitting on a chair dressed in transparent underwear. And she tells me: “tie me and do whatever you want”. So I tied her and went fishing.

#There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control you have over your wife?”

The third fellow says, “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” they asked. “She said, ‘get out from under the bed and fight like a man’.

#What’s the difference between a man and a condom? A: Condoms have changed. They’re no longer thick and insensitive.

Funny jokes about menWhat is the difference between a man and childbirth?

One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.

#Husband: “I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.”

Wife: “You wear briefs, don’t you?”

#what do men and beer bottles have in common?

They are both empty from the neck up.

#A husband returns home at night. Opens the door and in front of him his wife is standing with the frying pan in her hands.
Husband: “You better go to sleep, Lucy, I’m not hungry.

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